Secrets
by Louey7
Summary: Castle and Beckett both have secrets and both are trying to hold them back from each other, while their secrets are spreading out. Rated T for some language and other general stuff. Romance/Friendship/Drama
1. Chapter 1

**Authors note: Well, my next Castle fanfic- definitely multi-chapter… Mainly about all of Castle's and Beckett's secrets falling out and spreading out.**

**Please review and let me know how this one is.**

**Disclaimer: I own nothing Castle related… unless building a sand castle a long time ago counts.**

"Goodnight Castle," came Beckett's voice from afar as Castle was walking to the elevator of the 12th precinct. He nodded and said, "Night."

Beckett sat watching, then said, "Night you two," to the two other co-workers of hers that were heading off. They replied in unison, "Night Beckett." Everyone was off now, going their own ways: Esposito was probably wondering how he and Lanie got separated, Ryan would go home to his wonderful girl. However, this did leave Lanie left, which meant Alexis was still here. _Wait… Why would Alexis be here if Castle left? _Beckett began thinking in a day-dream state, _and I guess… I guess I'll never know. _Beckett was sitting, a long while, even enough for Castle to have time to get home.

Of course, when Castle got home, he found his mother- sipping wine. Once Martha noticed his son was home, she asked him, "And Alexis is…?"

"Oh, she had to stay late with Lanie, some sort of thing from down there," Castle replied.

"Ahh, so you let her stay with the dead body's at the dark of the night?" Martha still questioned him.

"Mother, she's fine. Plus Beckett's there."

"Whatever, I'm off to bed, Rick… Goodnight," Martha proposed as she went off to bed.

Meanwhile, Beckett was still at her desk, she had gotten up for coffee, though. She started to daydream about all of the stuff she and Castle went through. She decided it would be best to go in chronological order. First, Castle kissed her cheek, which made her feel great- and blush. Second, he caught her in the bathroom telling her where the sex scene was in the book. She started drawing general blanks of him giving her coffee, then went further- third, they kissed- her best kiss ever- and for twenty seconds which was way longer than needed for a distraction. Fourth, the freezer- Beckett just about to say how much she cared about Castle when she fainted due to being frozen, and them nearly dying in each other's arms. Fifth, Castle saying he loved her- twice to be exact, while she was nearly dead, shot in the stomach.

Of all the major stuff it was a lot of the small stuff that made Beckett love Castle from the beginning: the new coffee machine, coffee every morning, bigger things like- being able to share a dog, being in perfect sync interrogating people, caring for her when it mattered most, not being a complete ass when around her boyfriends- that she didn't love or even like. Castle could be her only boyfriend.

Lanie came up to find Beckett. They were both very surprised to see each other. Well, Beckett wasn't as surprised as she knew Lanie was still there. Beckett hadn't seen Alexis so she figured Alexis wasn't there. Alexis had actually slipped passed them both to get a coffee.

Beckett started to converse, "Hey Lanie, what brings you up here?"

"Just came to get some files for this body."

"Body? What body, we haven't had a case for over a week." Beckett said, surprised.

"Oh, it's one from a long-while ago, the poisoned victim."

Lanie was showing Alexis a how to find poisons even after an autopsy doesn't detect them. Alexis was listening in and found it odd that neither of them mentioned her. She guessed there was more on their mind and to not make a big deal out of it.

Just as Lanie was walking away, "Hey, Lanie…" Beckett's voice came.

"Yeah?" Lanie replied in her usual tone.

"Umm, well, I was wondering if we could talk?"

"Talk? You mean like talk? Girl, you mean serious 'talk'?"

Beckett looked at Lanie curiously, like talking was weird. Well, it was for Beckett, she never wanted to talk, she was all sucked up inside. Beckett, not knowing exactly what to do now, felt like she was going to explode- and take the town with her- if she didn't come out soon.

Beckett bit her bottom lip, trying to think of the best way to approach this. Starting very quickly, "Umm, yeah, it's about-" she slowed down, a lot, "Ca-stle"

"K girl, I'm all ears now, talk away."

Alexis was now hiding so she wouldn't be found, she wanted to hear this and not interrupt them. Lanie had completely forgot about Alexis at the astonishment that Beckett wanted to actually talk.

"Well, see, I like him and all, but I don't know if I can actually like him, if you know what I mean." Beckett had trouble finding words.

"Detective Kate Beckett," Lanie began, very odd for her to say that, "If you like him, he clearly likes you, what's the problem?"

Beckett mustering up some words, "It's just I don't know how, and if we had a relationship, it would be totally messed up. Like, we would be with each other all day, then go home to each other, the same thing all the time. We would go so crazy, I just mean. Oh Lanie, what do I do?"

Lanie, stunned at how open Beckett was, "Okay, so, you talk to Castle."

Beckett now feeling so alive and strong let out more, "See, when we were in the freezer I was about to confess my love to him, then later, when I was shot, he said he loved me. I've pretended not to have known anything after being shot. See, that's the problem. If I tell him I heard him say he loves me, he'll get all mad that I wasn't straight with him. But then he might love me still. K…" Beckett was sweating and in a near sobbing state. She had opened up to someone and it made her feel good inside, somehow.

"K. This is for you to decide, I can't decide your boy and girl stuff for you. Feel your inner-self and do what that thinks. Follow your heart, let it lead you." Lanie spoke, wisely.

Beckett somehow started standing at the beginning of her speech, she sat down, wondering how Lanie was able to speak words of such wisdom. So Beckett was able to speak again after a while, "Thanks Lanie, much appreciated."

"Any time, girl." Lanie said as she went to get the file, finally. "Oh shit!" Beckett heard Lanie.

"Lanie, you okay?" Beckett asked surprised she said 'shit'.

"Uhh, yeah sorry, just-uh- wrong papers were in file. I got it now, thanks."

Lanie had actually realized where Alexis was.

**A/N: Soooo, hope you all enjoyed. I certainly liked writing it. Please let me know how this one was, I do plan on updating soon as kind of a cliff hanger at the end… hehehehe!**


	2. Chapter 2

**A/N: Here's next one, I know last one left off hanging, will try not to do that anymore.**

**Please review and let me know how you like this story (so far)!**

**Disclaimer: I have hope that someday I will actually own Castle and not just in my dreams!**

**Previously: Alexis was at the 12****th**** precinct and overheard Beckett tell Lanie all about her dad (she knew he said that he loves her). Lanie just realized Alexis was there.**

Lanie tried to calm down, after expressing herself like she did, it was hard. After a couple of minutes of Lanie fooling with papers, Beckett finally noticed she was out of work to do, and her desk was all clean. She propped herself out of her chair, and said, "Well I better get going, night."

Lanie gathered her thoughts quickly and replied, "Oh, goodnight."

Beckett had all of her stuff and started talking again, "And thanks, Lanie."

"Oh no problem," Lanie replied swiftly.

Beckett was walking out with a big smile of her face, one of her biggest smiles ever. She had to think of a plan though- how to approach Castle- she thought after figuring out exactly what she was going to do.

Meanwhile Alexis stood back up and pretended like nothing happened and she was just getting coffee. Lanie came in. Alexis's heart was pounding furiously, nearly hurting, she was so nervous. Lanie finally spoke after examining Alexis, "Alexis, it's okay sweetie." She reassured Alexis, continuing, "Now, did you hear everything?" Alexis nodded. So, Lanie finished, "Now, how about we finish up tonight like normal and just go about our business? I can't decide for you what to think about the whole Beckett and Ca- err, your dad thing. You will have to be mature enough to figure out what's best."

Alexis nodded, and wondered how Lanie was able to speak such intelligent words. How Alexis and Lanie were able to finish the night without another conversation about 'the talk', they both had no idea. Lanie was just going to pretend nothing happened and Alexis wasn't there. Alexis decided she was going to try not to tell her dad about it, as she would let Beckett tell him.

Lanie dropped Alexis off at her house. Alexis walked into the place, everything the usual, nothing different. She was hoping that Beckett would have already talked with her dad. Beckett didn't have time tonight, as it was very later when Beckett left, let alone when Alexis got home.

Alexis heard a noise while she was eating… _Great I woke someone up_, she thought. Martha came down, being loud as usual, "Darling… You're home!"

"Hi grams! You're gonna wake dad up."

Martha sighed and let out a frown, "fine," she said much quieter.

"So, what did you do with the mysterious Lanie?" Martha asked.

"We uh," Alexis tried recollecting the events, only remembering about Beckett and Lanie's talk. "She was just, showing me something about poison," she finally answered.

"Oh, Alexis what's wrong?" Martha questioned, again.

"Nothing, it's just," Alexis was about to let it slip when she caught herself, "nothing," she finished.

Martha continued at Alexis, "Something this bad can't be nothing, you know you can tell me anything, right?"

"Yeah," Alexis said hurriedly.

Martha sighed, and questioned Alexis again, now sounding like an interrogation, "So, aren't you going to tell me?"

Castle had come out of his room, his hair all messed up, and saw Alexis looking real nervous, he decided to stay back and listen for a while. He could see them, as they were in the kitchen. The only problem is if they looked the right way, they could see him as well. He figured he'd listen to see if it was important then do from there.

Alexis sighed, "Fine." Martha interrupted Alexis's beginning to speak with, "now we're getting somewhere."

Alexis finally started to talk, "So Lanie and I went to get some files, for the poison thing. And, well, Beckett was still there, so Lanie was talking to Beckett and all. I was getting coffee," she took a couple deep breaths, as she felt her heart pounding furiously and rapidly like before when drinking the coffee, "So Beckett wanted to actually have girl talk with Lanie-." Alexis was abruptly by Martha, "Beckett, girl talk?"

Castle had snuck down to the living room area. He was hiding in plain sight, under some blankets behind the couch. He had an even more perfect view than last time. Also, he didn't have to try real hard to hear all the words. _Beckett, girl talk, awesome!_ He thought.

Alexis continued after a few moments to get her thoughts together, "Yeah girl talk, I know, Beckett? Anyway, she said that- that, well," she took about 5 rapid deep breaths, and was starting to sweat, "she said that she heard dad say he loves her," her heart not hurting anymore, but still beat with extreme speed, she was able to continue now, free of pain, "When Beckett was shot, dad said he loved her and Beckett has been pretending not to hear any of it."

Alexis had forgotten what time it was and her dad was still asleep- hopefully still asleep that is. Martha had started to reply, almost too stunned to do so, "Oh dear, this is big."

Alexis nodded and agreed with few words, "Yeah I know!" She continued eating, her big plate of noodles, with some fruit. She really was hungry because she wasn't able to eat for about ten hours. Alexis just noted the time as she saw a clock when cleaning her plate. Almost squealing at how late it was. She thought it might've been twelve at the latest. However, it was around 2:35. Alexis was back to a normal whisper, "when did it get so late!"

"I've been wondering when you'd get home, and just as you came in I was finally getting some sleep."

Castle hardly even acknowledged the time. He just wanted to see his daughter. Until of course, he caught in on the conversation. He because more shocked with every word that floated out of Alexis's mouth. Beckett knew. What does that mean? Does that mean she has been keeping a secret from him the whole time? How could _he_ blame her though, he had his own secrets. For example, the "murder board" with Beckett's mother's case.

Castle went into even deeper thought, not noticing his mom and daughter went off to bed, _what do I do? Beckett knows, what does that mean? If she's ignored it, does that mean she doesn't love me? How could she not? Argh, it's what I get for keeping a secret of my own. Now, the fine brunette hair, beautiful eyes, perfect body women that I am with pretty much every day, how could we not love each other, yet not __need__ a sexual relationship to get the full blow. _

Castle let out a rather big sigh and started drifting off to sleep after he moved to the couch.

**A/N: Okay so still lots of chapters to come don't worry :P Hope story is still going well.**

**And sorry if Lanie is too out of character, I tried my best with her. :)**


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